RIP me

That’s not a bong...That’s a deep fryer! And my roommate’s awesome girlfriend bought one for him so I'm telling people its mine and that she bought it for me. Luckily my roommate does not know how to read so I don’t have to worry about him ever reading this. As you may or may not know, very few medical doctors would describe my diet as "healthy." Comparable to giving a loaded gun to a horny blind woman and telling her it’s a vibrator, me having a deep fryer readily available to me probably is not a good idea. I might go as far as to say that a deep fryer is the absolute last thing that I needed to have in my life.



My roommate immediately put into place a rule where I am not allowed to use his new death toy without his immediate supervision. Here is how it went down for me...emotionally:

1) ANGER
Who is this asshole tell me when I can and cannot deep fry macaroni and cheese wrapped in a tortilla? does he think I am some sort of baby? incapable of making good choices on my own? Do I get no respect?!

2) FEAR
I wont last a week with this thing in my house. I will surely see my demise before I can even begin to delve into some really intense experimentation. Why does god create such dangerous weapons and put them right in the hands of man?

3) CAN I PERHAPS PROFIT FROM THIS DEVICE WHICH I DID NOT PAY FOR AND IS IN NO WAY REALLY MINE?
I certainly think so. My block, although quiet, is somewhat of a thoroughfare for residents of the hill. Im sure the general public would love to pay top dollar for my amazing food ideas. Its all about appearance

a couple sit-ups and I can add some sex appeal to the whole eating deep fryed food prepared in front of my house thing.


if I could dress a dog up like a chef people really might start talking.


im gonna go deep fry some chocolate bars.