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I once went 6 (almost 7) weeks without bathing. That was back in the day when i was really on top of my game. Unfortunatley, these days the longest i will go without showering is maybe a week, give or take a few days. I know, nothing to write home about. none the less, i am always in search of some way to make it appear that i am bathing when in reality, i am not. My latest development: CHERRYCHAPSTICK. this shit has it all. it smells so fuckin good i can hardly stop myself from eating it. Last week when i was at work, i says to meeself, what is that terrible smell? it was then that it hit me like a dozen minority shoplifters, i have not showered for 8 days and have not worn any deoderant for 2. Because i am such an active young man, you know, those manly smells were really emitting from me. It was then that my life changed forever. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the cherry chapstick and applied it to my armpits as though it were deoderant. It didnt end there. I realized cherry chapstick can serve many more purposes than the makers of this fine product may have thought...
1) chapstick
2) deoderant
3) cologne
4) feminine hygiene product
I dont know a lot about feminine hygiene (or dude hygiene for that matter) but i do know that cherry chapstick smells a lot better than dirty giney. so for all my lady readers (which i am 99% confident there are none of) if your hole is wreaking, apply some cherry chapstick to it and the dudes will flock as though your vagina was a 50% off sale at Armani Exchange, and the dudes are all asian. because lots of asian dudes like that store. tell me im wrong!
So last night i was taking some pretty intense bong rips and i was struck with a pretty fantastic idea. As of recent, spicy food has been whats really good. for me. yet, mac and cheese is a constant staple. What shall i do? i thought as i took a fuckin huge bong rip! so here is my answer:
1) make some macaroni and cheese (i like annies because it makes me vomit less often than kraft)
2) purchase some spicy cheetos ( 2 packs preferably)
3) put them all in a blender
4) blend until one could eat it with a straw.
5) BAM! spicy mac and cheese
it doesnt have to end there though. i took another bong rip shortly after this and was struck with an even better idea.
6) mash some potatoes to make mashed potatoes.
7) take a Boboli crust
8) apply liquified spicy mac and cheese over pizza crust as though it were tomatoe sauce.
9) put mashed potatoes on top of that.
10) cook till you think its edible
i have not eaten this yet, but rest assured, i am nothing but a hog and when my paycheck come turdsday, im going to eat this. maybe i will vomit, maybe i wont. you will probably never know.
