I'm A Fucking Humanitarian

It is difficult to maintain a blog when you spend the majority of your time being a fucking humanitarian all the time. It takes a tole on you mentally and physically, especially around the penis-area. Whether it be trying to hook up your insane little brother with your car that does not work in exchange for an ipod, which it turns out also does not work, or awkwardly making conversation with the blind while waiting for the bus, whenever I can, I display my king arthur-esque chivalry. My latest act of being a totally cool dude occur ed where it usually does when I was wandering around the train tracks by my house. I came upon a homeless who quickly offered me an expensive bicycle for the mere price of twomp dollar. He said he would throw in a laptop (and the charger!) for free. I jumped on that shit like an old couple searching for an antique dresser who happened to find the exact antique dresser they were looking for. The bike had a U-lock on the bike already which i found odd. The man i bought it from informed me that the person he had stolen it from had only used some other kind of kind of "faggot" lock and then went on to tell me how stupid she was. He also told me how this sort of business transaction was real "frisco shit." So there I was with an awesome new bicycle and a laptop, which turned out to work.
It was the next day in my math class when my humanitarian nature kicked in like a women's sex drive somewhere in her late twenties to early thirties. Although I had already recieved an offer for one hundred dollars and zero cents for the bike, I did what Kirby Pucket would have done and threw the bike up on craigslist asking for a description and that I would give the bike back. It was later that night that I received a phone call from the owner who was super pumped on me and it seemed she totally wanted to mouthiphy my wang. When i gave the bike back the next day, my humanitarian ways totally payed off. I increased my karma points like, by like, fuckin, 10 points, which is a fucking lot. She also gave me eighty bucks which was awesome as being a humanitarian totally paid off. As we were departing from each other, she awkwardly told me that she had been joking with her boyfriend about how she should mouthiphy my wang. It kind of caught me off guard so i kind of laughed like you might laugh at a really scary dude telling you a racist joke. I had told her already about my small girlfriend so she said she was off the hook. In a perfect world we would not have money but rather we could barter goods and services for sexual favors. I know a couple guys that would be millionaires.
As for the laptop, I also put that up on craigslist but have recieved no responses. As much as I would like to take another hit of Air Jordan Heroin and continue to blow my money on shoes, I once again took the Mother Teresa route and told my coworker that I would give it to her. She has never owned a computer because she doesn't want her sons "jacking off all the time." its an understandable concern but when I told her about all the cheap angel figurines you can buy on EBay she was sold. I also split 40 sets of skateboard wheels that the dude stole from the Delux warehouse which I will be selling or trading for Luna Bars. If you want some skate wheels for cheaps or if you have an impressive stockpile of Luna bars maybe we can work something out. Get at your dude.