My Cure For The Common Cold

Lots of dooshbags out there will try to tell you there is no cure for the common cold. There may not be, but i think I have come pretty close to figuring it out:



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yup. your gonna want that tangerine. i was feeling really sick the other day and because i am addicted to smoking marijuanna (especially out of BONGZ!!!) i smoked anywayz. At first, i took a medium rip, which is not usually my style. It hurt my lungs real bad and i coughed a little. Then i realized, hey, i am not feeling to hot, lets really put the pedal to the metal, bong style! I took gargantuan RIP and coughed up lots of green stuff that had a similar texture to jello. This green stuff was so impressive. So anyhoo, i drank some emergen-c and i was already on the mend. So if you dont like being sick but you like BONGZ then follow my easy directions and start feeling good again. Your worth it.





to the average dude, these may just look like a pair of jeans. I used to never understand why girls would get so excited about new jeans or designer jeans. I always thought that jeans were jeans (unless they were JNCO jeans which had awesome pictures of weird anime type things on them? I guess?). Apparently though, and this makes sense to me after someone explained it, unlike baggy pants dudes generally wear, girls pants are a little tighter and girls really like when the pants "hug" different parts of their bodies the right way. Girls need pants to fit around their ankles, calves, thighs, hips, and butt, just so. And apparently seven jeans fit real nice. so there you go. now you know.

and with the new knowledge, i am going to be making a wild move. Look at the back of the jeans above. see that little swoopy woopy stuff on the pocket. thats how you can tell if a girl spent a measly $50 on her jeans or a whopping $175! Anyhoo, im going to get the little insignia tattooed on my butt, on both sides. The concept behind this tat is that i love seven jeans so much that its like i am always wearing them. My appointment is 2marrow! i will post pictures. it will be awesome.



yeaaaah! imagine that on my butt!

you are SO off my buddy list

me^

Currently i am spending about 6 to 7 hours a day, five days a week, posted with a boner downtown. Its not as cool as it sounds. All i do is watch girls walk in and out of a store so naturally, i have become quite in-tune with fashion if i do say so myself. None of these girls ever talk to me though. Although one fine day, a superdooperlightweightbot started chopping it up with yours truly. I was so shocked that someone was speaking with me that i dont remember what i asked this botter but she said something, then i responded, leaning in a bit, in an excited sort of way. The result:

"Breath problem?" i asked her. she nodded, slowly, with disgust in her eyes. Pure hatred. radiating through her porous peepers. Good grief. Ive got hyphy youths fucking with me in oakland. Thinking they can snake me! make me look like a dooshbag! in front a woman! They were like sixteen too as though it was not enough, to suffer the humiliation of getting fucked with. they assured me i was quite lucky that my bike was still in my posession. Later, the woman i was with tried to assure me everything was ok. Broads just dont understand. IM A MAN BABY! A MAN!!! anyway, back at work I have not spoken with any customers, and understandibly, have no plans to do so in the future. I do know a lot about high-end womens denim though. If your jeans are less than $150 dollars and you have a vagina dont even fucking talk to me because you are a loser. i know that. i think i am gonna cop some sevens (if you dont know what sevens are you suck) and then go diving in the poon pool. sevens are like an $175 dollar ticket to that pool, and its always summer time baby. your gonna want to be in the pool. the poon pool. Thankfully, this is a figurative pool so i dont have to worry about exposing my chest hair to lots of people because that is a constant concern for me.
i feel so sick right now but for some reason i cannot stop smoking cigarettes. at least im draped in high end denim and lacoste. everything can go in a tortilla. If i were to be executed my last meal would be chilimacurrito with super finely chopped up orange chicken from panda express. with lots of cheese.